Month: April 2008

sowing-seeds-of-love

I have an 80’s tune rattling in my brain…”Sowing The Seeds of Love” by Tears for Fear. At that particular point in my life I didn’t get it! To me the song was just a pretty cool tune that harmonized well and had some interesting lyrics for sure but I really didn’t get it. The truth of this became so obvious in the upsetting nature of how I struggled from day to day for so many of those years, literally living out what I had been sowing into my everyday life and not much of it was in love.

I am now captivated by the verse written in this song, “Anything is possible when you are sowing the seeds of love, Anything is possible.” I am seeing this possibility lived out every day now and I am “fully joy” about every confirmation of its manifestation. More interesting to note is the verse, “They look to the skies for some kind of divine intervention.” I am of the opinion we are already divinely intervened if we have courage to ask for help and the faith to believe we are heard. May we all get past the skeptic friends or family who make fun of us for wanting a better future and just go for it with all of our hearts. Sow some of your own seeds in love and grow a crop of incredible yield!

“Be kind for everyone you know is facing a great battle.” I don’t know who originally wrote those words but they seem appropriate when starting out the day. Be it drivers on the freeway or that rude gentleman who stands before a counter barking orders about his coffee, I have to remember they may be in a battle of some kind. In my head I want to just tell the man to give it a rest and we won’t even discuss the hand motions I’d like to give away to other drivers.

Restraint has become a kindness for me even when it is painful. Not doing what every impulse in my aching body wants to do is a sort of painful non-action. Later that spirit of wisdom within tries to encourage me with words like, “See, aren’t you glad you didn’t say or do that?” I will admit my teachable nature can still be defiant and I have been known to answer back, “No! That guy deserved a good smack.” Most of the time however I am glad for my turning the other cheek.

I wonder at times for the hurts people have suffered that they feel a need to take it out on the world and then I am reminded of my own hurts and understanding floods through me. I am forgiven so I must live to forgive.

There are some mornings I feel like a wilted plant when I awake, kind of drained and empty of energy or ambition. I know a decent cup of tea and some breakfast will fix what ails the body but only the word will give me that deep drink I need to be truly refreshed.

I have been drawn to Zech 4:6 Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit

I heard that spoke yesterday and pilfered through my journal to find it this morning. It was a refreshing thing to read again and come to rest in that place of peace.

We belong to our pets! There, I said it. I have thought about it enough I figured it was time to just let go of it. Most people say they have pets but I think we get that wrong, I really think the pets have us. When we start out in life and decide to raise our children most of us can relate to dreaming of the day when our children are grown and have families of their own, in other words they finally move out of the house! Now you have that office you always wanted and your parking space is never blocked by the car that hasn’t been cleaned out in a year.

Something happens though, we get the notion perhaps a pet would be nice to have around the house. Make it seem less empty now the stereo isn’t blaring at 10,000 decibels. They are so cute too and wouldn’t it be nice to have someone fetch your slippers or maybe the paper if you haven’t sold out for on-line news channels.

Our reality of such notions haunt us in the form of a fatted cat and an enlarged dog. We are not pet owners we are now pet servants! If they are not fed on time the household becomes fraught with tension and the noise level starts to ramp up with each ticking of the clock.

When we first bought our house the carpet was so lovely and plush, now it is matted and intertwined with the animal fur. Why don’t they ever go bald? Are scientists studying this phenomena in order to help stop male balding?

Our vacations are no longer something we can take on the fly. Leave the house for a weekend? Forget it! Our back yard has become tantamount to Bosnia with all the holes dug over the years. My garage used to house vehicles and now it serves as a cat hotel with a lovely sand beach combed each day for the comfort of its guest.

As I ready myself this morning to leave I fluff up the towel which I lay over my arm in proper form to once more wait upon the true masters of the house. Food and water are on their way…..

Is this what it means to have a servant’s heart?

My husband gave me one of the thinnest paperbacks I may have ever read in my life yet it had the most profound impact upon my thinking, reminding me even now that it’s not necessarily how many words you use but what you speak. It was written by someone whose life was touched by this man who served the Lord.

“Two things will cause you to leap out of yourselves into the great promises of God. One is purity, the other is faith. God has no room for the man who looks back, thinks back, or acts back.” Smith Wigglesworth

A leap of faith can be mighty scary but to stand still is scarier still!

“When people become Christians, they don’t at the same moment become nice. This always comes as a something of a surprise. Conversion to Christ and his ways doesn’t automatically furnish a person with impeccable manners and suitable morals.” 1 Corinthians – The Message.

Can we talk openly? Duh! This makes me want to literally take out my baseball bat that has “DOH!” stamped along its thicker portion. (Now do you really believe I have a bat to beat people? If so you are living in my own head and perhaps should get some serious help too, lol!) I grew up with two very aggressive brothers so forgive my immediate reference to violence….let’s just say it was “survival of the fittest”, but in my defense it was literally “survival of the quickest”. I know all you “sisters” will relate!

Back to the point though…whatever gave anyone reason to think a person could change overnight? Even Paul who was significantly touched by Jesus’ own hand had to be led by others until his sight was restored.

I am ever growing and changing every day in my life. Some days are better than others. I like to live honestly these days so I don’t keep secrets even when I probably should. My inner thoughts can at times be like watching a wrestling match between the old man who refuses to lie down for the count and the new woman who wants to ring that bell for victory.

There are regular match ups daily and yesterday it was the actions of another who caused my most recent mental gymnastic event. You see I like to find quiet time during my breaks while I am at work. There is a mezzanine with some chairs that are generally peaceful throughout the day and this day was no exception. I had pulled out some reading and was enjoying the thoughts on the page. A young lady came to sit on a couch opposite from me and pulled out her cell phone.

On a side note I think anyone who is allowed to purchase one of these phones should have to automatically enroll in a brief “cell phone etiquette” class. For every five persons who know how to use a cell phone quietly there is that one person who wields it like a verbal weapon. They are virtually tone deaf for the volume level at which they speak.

This particular young lady was one of these latter persons. Oblivious to the fact her conversation was virtually a shouting match and her voice was ringing throughout the mezzanine. Within mere moments it became apparent this was not to be a quick call and my quiet time was to be eaten up by the voice of irritation. And then it happened….

“Ding! And in the far corner we have the old man who shouts into Debra’s ear…’just walk over there and take that phone from her hand, then I recommend you slap her about the head with the thing too before handing it back to her’….quickly popping up onto her feet is the new woman who uses a quiet and patient voice to speak back to Debra’s ear with words of wisdom…..’No honey, just let it go. This girl doesn’t know she’s irritating. Just close up your things and let her be.’…ding ding!”

The match was over quickly in the physical sense but then the aftermath continued to bother me so it wasn’t a clean match at all. The old man liked to get some more licks in by filling my head with the pictures of how fun it would’ve been to give in to old impulses. It was time to move on.

Growth and change come at a price. I have to choose when to move on no matter how comfortable I may have been in the place I was at. Recognizing wrong thoughts no matter how amusing is a part of that change. I am grateful for grace that helps me to change daily. The next time I see that phone lady I will remember to pray for her to grow as well.

My friends are eclectic for sure. In this moment I will have to keep their identities private, however I suspect as time goes on they will let me bust each of them out eventually. For now it’s enough that I share the uniqueness of having them in my life.

My best friend of course I tell all my tales to and we all know him as “husband unit”. Ssshhhh…..don’t tell anyone, but his name is Bobby. He is my least kept secret of course and holds me in the palm of his hand with the softest leash made under the sun. My Father knew I would kick and buck to death any who would try to tame me with a tight reign and so I married this man after the heart of Hosea. I didn’t appreciate the reality of that until some unnamed benefactor blessed me with a book I kept putting down in agitation while reading it.

My mentors are chicks whom I didn’t choose but instead they chose me and drew me in under the guise of a “dinner and a movie”! Of course I actually thought this would be “going out to a dinner and watching a movie”, I was very much mislead into a life-changing way of making friends. These “chicks” have since taught me what it means to be a friend and a woman of faith through all manner of laughter, tears and challenges. The wisdom poured out over me is a refreshing drink from a pool I continually long to swim in.

A more unique relationship is quite special and yet she knows not the respect I have for her. She has the most humble nature I have ever met. She is also one whom I could feel most comfortable to be around and be most uncomfortable to be with. She looks at me and I feel as though she is staring into my very soul. Her gifts are beyond my understanding and when I stand near her I feel like I am in the presence of one touched by holiness.

My greatest anchor is one who keeps me near reality and precious memories I thought would be too painful to remember. Instead they ground me in a place of learning and growing. Where I once thought I would leave behind who I was, instead I hold onto that rocky place so I can use it for a jumping off place into my true destiny.

There are so many people touching my life I want to write about all of them but this posting would go on for pages. Recalling days when I counted but few on my fingers for friends these are days of plenty.

My life has grown into something special beyond myself. I desire to sow and sow some more so that I may see what grows. Yes, in the shallow heart of myself it would be so I would see what may come but in the depths beyond what I can see, I long for my seeds to take great roots like those woods which grow tall and need a deep drink of water, living thousands of years.

My desire is not to brag of multiple friends but rather to share the changed life I exchanged. One from limited relationships with those who only wanted to use me to now having relationships that inspire me. Knowing only my friends are reading this today, I thank my Lord for all of you because I know that without Him I would not have known any of you.

Attitude in any given situation colors my world. Will it stink or will I choose to be okay? Well yesterday was tax day and since we owed the IRS a chunk of funds I would have to say my attitude could have been more but my confession is that at times overcoming a state of agitation can be a real chore. Sometimes it’s just easier to wallow in my irritation than choose to put that smile back in my heart.

I went home to write out the bills and determined that I would not let defeat overcome my heart. Since I was alone I couldn’t prod my husband unit into being my cheerleader, nope this time I was left to my own resources. The previous night someone had told me “the Lord is all around us and we are never alone”. Those words kept coming to mind so I found a song on my computer that sang those very words of reassurance. I set it to play over and over while I started to balance our books.

By the time I was done paying everything and making out that fat check for the IRS I was feeling pretty good. I smile writing this as no one ever feels good about giving money to the IRS but somewhere in listening to that music it sunk in about never being alone and the peace returned. Again, money didn’t matter. It will come and it will go. Today I was happy to have enough money for groceries and gas to get to work for the week. Peace out!