Moments of reflection find me during the quiet hours when the phone is no longer on and the household is asleep. Such moments don’t come often enough in my scheduled life so I savor them. I keep looking at my journal, wondering if I have anything more to write into it today. It’s a funny line to walk between the totally private thoughts and those to share openly in such a way it may encourage another. So many of my private thoughts bring questions I cannot answer. Perhaps by putting them in that “secret place” answers will come sooner than later.
I was reflecting upon friendships tonight. What they have been, what they are and what they are meant to be. Another question I can’t answer since I find them evolving, but only so much as I open myself up to possibilities. I have never before understood their varied nature since I often kept myself aloof from the many facets this aspect of love and life offered.
As my heart changes it is becoming impossible to want to protect myself because that would mean going backwards. Going forward however means being vulnerable to possibilities of rejection or hurt feelings. Once more I stand upon a cliff where I know my heavenly Father is calling me to leap into His soft hands, offering me my future…..I confess…..I am still scared.
His voice I cannot resist so I must plunge forward with disregard for what it may cost me in the moment.