Humming a tune with the words “all I want is you” stopped me in my tracks. The lyrics began to saturate my heart and I could hear a question come at me, “am I really all you want?” My worship suddenly felt like it was sticking in my throat. The honesty of the question made me take an inventory of all my thoughts and then look closer still at my heart.
I again wondered at the history which speaks of those who actually walked and talked to Jesus. They saw Him do signs and wonders. They beheld His miracles and all whom He healed of sickness, disease and demonic oppression. They heard His teachings first hand. But there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who would betray Him. And He said, “Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father.” From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. (Joh 6:64-66)
I realize my heart is no better than those disciples who walked away from the Lord over two thousand years ago. I have my own desires, my own agendas, my own wanting of things to work out in my life. Basically I want God to do things my way. This is where I come to the truth of my own desperation.
I will never be able to follow through in my faith without that most precious of gifts, grace. As I have begun counting the cost of what it means to follow Jesus, my inventory always falls short in what I can do to stay the course. I fail in everything I try to do of myself.
I finally answer the question with “yes, You are all I want” but I have to be extremely honest. Laying down my pride, I confess, “I can’t want all of You unless You help me, because I am weak and will try to walk away from the best thing I know unless You hold onto me!”
2Co 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Joh 18:9 He did this to fulfill His own statement: “I did not lose a single one of those You have given Me.”